Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Stale
Sometimes when a cook changes kitchens it can take a while to work out the kinks, especially when happily overwhelmed by unlimited inspiration. So don’t hate me because I’m stale. Love me instead – I just want to make sure I find the best new flavor before I start feeding you fresh, hot Big Apple … Read more
And the award for Employee of the Month goes to…
Words and phrases like surfactant and wellbore tubulars cause my eyes to glaze over. When exposed to them at a high enough frequency I start to foam at the mouth, and more often than once emergency crews have been dispatched to revive me at my place of work. It is costly to both my employer and my … Read more
No Need To Feel So Heavy, Bird.
Happily, loosely and daintily you go, Unsure but always so certain of yourself. Whimsy never minded you much – Away you’d skip, lightly and aglow. This grey sky never weighed you down. You’d always turn to me and say No need to feel so heavy, bird. No need to wear such a frown.
The Secret (A Working Title)
Have you ever imagined your perfect job? Envisioned your calling, had your destiny revealed, discovered your purpose in life? If so, you’ll understand me when I say that this moment of absolute certainty is one like no other. That it causes the hairs on the back of your neck to stand and it brings to … Read more
Toilet Paper Vs. Shoe
Some days you’re the toilet paper and others you’re the shoe. Both have merit, of course, but neither is always particularly desirable nor kind, wouldn’t you say? Lately around here the two seem to be most at odds. The toilet paper trails behind but won’t let go. It’s irritating and homely and causes others to … Read more
No Matter, Mr. Walrus. It’s Popeye’s Secret That Has Beseeched me
Mr. Walrus, won’t you stay awhile and talk of things with me? With all these questions that I have, perhaps your answers’ll grow me wings, you see. Like what of love and all its blooms, or the blues and lows and sighs it brings? Or how surely someday it’ll grab hold my heart, will fly … Read more
My Brain, My Lobster
Dear Amy, How can I say this so that you’ll understand? I know you love a seafood feast. Allow me to inform you that I have become the lobster on your plate. But I was glowing orange once. Fiery bright and fresh. I’ve darkened and I’ve stilled here, not with a quiet contemplation but a … Read more
Hey Mr. Valentine, I’ve Got a Secret For You
Hey there, Mr. Valentine. I’ve got a secret for you. This year you just might get lucky. I know I’ve held out before but lately you’ve been looking mighty fine to me. It’s not set in stone and it won’t last forever, but right now I’m craving whatever it is that you’ve been cooking. I … Read more
Baby, Don’t Be Blue. Be Bloom.
So you’re feeling blue, you say. Not the kind that science proves, but just a little worse for wear? Don’t you worry, we’ve all been low before. Another once said to me Hey girl, don’t be blue. Instead be bloom. Life’s stronger than it seems, you know. So you’re feeling low, you say. Take a … Read more
I Will Stare At You.
I will stare at you. Yes. I will. It’s a problem that I have. I stare. But it’s not that I’m judging you. It’s more that I want to throw you down and have my way with you. (Don’t worry. I very likely won’t, unless you have expressly given me your permission to do so.) … Read more
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